Forgive Me
by silvercats
Summary: No, Suzuno turned a new thought over and over in her head. The sensation that she was uncomfortable with was the sense of insignificance. “Suzuno-chan, why are you out here all by yourself?” Anything but this, this sweet torture. “Forgive me, Tatara.”


Disclaimer: If I owned Fushigi Yuugi, I wouldn't be sitting in a college laundry room typing fan fiction.

_Forgive Me_

Watching the sun set over the edge of the desert from here was absolutely breath taking. Overhead, the heavens were shot through with streaks of gold, the last rays of sun to touch the velvety midnight that slowly crept closer to where the golden sand, so much like a cloth of gold, lay at the base of the mountain range through which they were travelling.

Seeing the stars beginning to begin their nightly dance overhead, Suzuno couldn't help but feel very small and insignificant in comparison. A cool breath of wind over her shoulders on its way down the mountainside felt like a finger of ice down her spine, and Suzuno retreated further into the thick blanket wrapped securely around her shoulders. The sensation was one she had grown used to as they headed towards the higher altitudes in the very north of Sairou, the nearest they were supposed to get to Genbu, although they would travel parallel to the border for a short time in the next week.

No, Suzuno turned a new thought over and over in her head. The sensation that she was uncomfortable with was the sense of insignificance. And despite what others might think, it wasn't because of stars or even because she was always treated with the utmost respect and adoration as the Priestess of Byakko. No, it wasn't either of those things. It was something entirely different.

'_Oh, finally, someplace we may finally stop for a decent night's rest!' It was hard to keep her heart from singing out in her relief, but Suzuno's expression must have given something away; a quick glance at Amefuri next to her made Suzuno realize that the other girl's wide grin was a mirror of the look on her own face. They both giggled, and took the last half-mile with a lighter step. _

_Certainly, this manor wasn't as exquisite as the Emperor's palace, but if Suzuno had to guess, the status of whomever lived here wasn't so very far below his highness' own status. The activity that met them as they crossed the threshold was slightly hysterical; servants were rushing about, as the Priestess of Byakko had chosen to regain her strength here, and in fact had six of her Celestial Warriors with her! She must be awfully powerful and strong in the ways of the god if she had already discovered so many of the Celestial Warriors. This, added with the fact that the younger sister of the Emperor was with their Priestess, was simply too much for the members of the household. Amefuri, the princess in question, simply caught Suzuno's eye and stuck her tongue out, quick enough that only Tokaki saw it, and he grinned in sympathy._

_Out of the chaos appeared a lovely woman. She was only a few years older than Suzuno, but Suzuno found herself envying the graceful way that the woman moved, the train of her delicate dress fanning out behind her in a perfect semi circle. There was no doubt, even though Suzuno stood in the center of her companions, that for a moment all of the Seishi's attention was on this woman, their gracious hostess. _

_Suzuno reminded herself that there was no reason to be jealous of this woman, for there was simply no comparison. She was a gorgeous woman, her pale skin as smooth as the silk that dropped in graceful waves over her hands, whose hair hung in long braids that accented her small, pert features perfectly, but Suzuno was the Priestess of Byakko. Suzuno had an inseparable bond with her Seishi, one that no one could break, and they would always be there for her even as she strove to hold together the tenuous bonds that tie their homeland together. Suzuno was the Byakko no Miko, the one with whom they had travelled for so long, the one for with whom they stood, the one who, like them, was travel worn, her hair trailing in straggling braids over her shoulders, the one who, unlike this veritable goddess on earth, was wearing a school uniform, dirt ground into the skirt and jacket in patches that just wouldn't come out, no matter what she tried to do… _

_Suzuno took a deep breath. This was no way for a Priestess to act; she reprimanded herself sternly, especially when meeting a complete stranger. There was nothing to worry about. Everyone has his or her faults; besides, she hasn't been on the road as long as we have. _

_She lifted her chin to face the Lady with all the dignity she had, smiling gently, but before anyone had a chance to say anything, Tokaki went and put his foot in everything._

"_Well, we certainly struck the jackpot this time! What a wonderful body-"_

_Karasuki absentmindedly shifted position, just happening to knock Tokaki into the wall. Suzuno mentally rolled her eyes; Subaru was standing too far away to act herself, but surely she had goaded Karasuki into punishing Tokaki for her. However, Subaru was watching the Lady with an embarrassed look on her face, and Karasuki shuffled slightly, a dull flush creeping over his nose. _

_Suzuno's smile became something less than the truth, plastered over her features while inside, her heart dropped. Maybe they would only stay for a single night._

The sun was almost below the horizon now, but Suzuno really didn't want to go inside and face the rest of her friends right now. It wasn't really their fault that Lady Feiyan happened to be the center of attention in her own household. She was a very sweet person, really, instantly pulling the girls from the group to get 'freshened up' and into new clothes. The fact that Suzuno hadn't seen Amefuri since with the exception of dinner, where there was no chance to talk across everyone and all their noise, was simply because Lady Feiyan was catching up with the happenings of the Royal Court, the way that any courtier would when given the opportunity.

Or so Suzuno assumed. Having never been either a princess or a highly respected and ranked member of that princess' court, she wouldn't know.

Even sitting out here on the porch was better than her room, as well. Since the manor was so far out of the way, Lady Feiyan had explained, they rarely had guests, so they didn't have many guest rooms. The small room that Suzuno was granted to herself was snug and very cozy, but not someplace that someone desperately wanting company wanted to spend much time in. Its remote location, far from the hustle and bustle of the daily life of the manor, was a welcome thing come time to sleep, but so far from everyone else still in the main rooms of the building.

No, from here she could hear everyone without spending more time with Lady Feiyan. She was simply too tired to be cordial enough.

_After settling comfortably into a soft, pale green and blue outfit left by the scented bath she indulged in, Suzuno let her hair out of their braids, combing out the rippling waves as they tumbled down her back, enjoying the feeling of smooth, untangled hair for the first time in what felt like forever. _

_A little self-tour along the hall where her room was revealed that the Seishi were all in rooms here as well. Although Amefuri wasn't in her room, Subaru came dancing out of her room. "Suzuno-chan! Look at this dress! It's so delicate!" She spun in the hallway, the soft pink and pale yellow floating around her like a dream. Suzuno laughed at Subaru's antics; for days the older girl had been threatening to fiddle with time so she could return to the last inn they had been in and have a bath. Little things picked up everyone's spirits so much._

"_Perhaps I'll go look for Tokaki, give him a little grief for being a pervert, whaddaya think?" Subaru smiled slyly. _

_Suzuno pretended to think. "I think that certain aspects of his personality should be ironed while we have access to such tools," she admitted with a matching smile._

"_Good idea." Subaru winked. "I'll go find him now!"_

'…_he's probably with Lady Feiyan…' _

_Somehow, Suzuno didn't want to shout this after her friend._

Suzuno sighed. The night was truly growing chilly, and if she wanted to be able to leave anytime soon, she couldn't get sick. She should go inside and bid everyone a cheerful good night; no one would expect anything less from her. She truly was tired, that part was not a charade at all. She had just fully decided to move when a shooting star shot across the heavens in the direction of the sun, as if trailing after it in an attempt to catch up. She caught her breath, her wish stuck in the back of her throat in a lump, but the door sliding open behind her prevented her trying to choke out the words. Instead, she tried to swallow them as she turned to see who had joined her.

"Suzuno-chan, why are you out here all by yourself?"

The knot in her throat fell straight into her stomach, where it tied itself into a bigger mess.

"I was just watching the sunset, Tatara. It was really pretty this time."

Please, please no. Just, let me go inside. I just want to sleep.

"Oh, really? It seems that the colors have become more intense the further north we go, wouldn't you agree?"

Anything but this, this sweet torture. Anymore of his words, and she just might lose it.

This was what hurt the most.

"_Why, you must all be very tired, traveling all the way from the capital with the priestess," Lady Feiyan extended her hands. "Please, if there is anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable, alert one of my staff. It is my pleasure to serve my priestess and my princess."_

_It was hard not to note the flush on everyone's faces. Particularly those who were not Amefuri or Subaru…_

_Knock it off, Suzuno._

"_Why don't I get you all settled, so you can make yourselves comfortable?" Lady Feiyan offered, moving forward and offering Tatara her arm. _

_Clearly blushing- at least to Suzuno's close eyes- Tatara shot their hostess a grateful look and thanked her, his sincerity clear in his voice._

"_My lady, you honor us with your generous hospitality. How can we ever begin to thank you?" He laid her hand on his arm as she gently led the way from the front hall. "Oh, my, being of service to the Celestial Warriors of Byakko is honor enough for one as me, Lord Tatara." She laughed lowly at this, and Tatara smiled at her._

_It was enough to stop Suzuno in her steps for a single disbelieving moment._

"Suzuno?" Tatara was looking at her with a funny expression on his face. "Is everything alright?"

This was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be so nice, not when she felt so ashamed, not when he was-…not like this.

She dropped her gaze. She didn't have the strength to continue looking in his amber eyes. She couldn't, not when-…and she had been so wrong…

"_Suzuno?" _

_She sat up. The raw concern in his voice worried beyond anything else._

"_Tatara? What's wrong?" _

_He moved so more than just his familiar head was showing in her doorway, his hair flopping over one of his eyes, just like always. He chuckled at her question._

"_Nothing's wrong with me; I came to check on you." He paused, studying her face. "May I come in?"_

"_U-um, sure," Suzuno swung her legs over the side of the bed she had been laying on. Awkwardly, Tatara sat next to the bed on a chair that, until recently, had had Subaru sitting in it._

"_Are you alright, Suzuno?" His eyes looked into hers seriously. "I know Subaru said she could fix the cut, but do you feel alright, honestly?"_

_Even though his voice was steady, his hands shook al little as they clenched each other on his lap. "Tatara?" Suzuno couldn't help herself, and reached out to touch his entwined hands._

"_It's our job, as your seishi, to guard you, and yet…" he shook his head, "if something happened to you, Suzuno, I could never forgive myself." _

_This last was said so vehemently that Suzuno thought she might actually hear the self-loathing in his voice._

"_Oh, Tatara." _

_Her voice fell through his name, the last syllable barely above a hushed whisper, but he leaned forward as he looked up, getting slowly to his feet._

"_Suzuno," his voice held a note of finality; somewhere in the last few minutes a battle had been fought and won, and here, coming towards her, was the outcome._

"_Suzuno, I'm sorry. Please, forgive me."_

_She barely realized what it was he was saying when she was on her feet before him, pulled to standing by one of his hands, and-_

_He kissed her._

_Out of anything that she would have thought could possibly happen, this was one of the last, but this and all the other thoughts flying through her head were softly, slowly erased by Tatara's gentle kiss. For a single moment, a tie connected them as light as spider's thread, but by the next Tatara had pulled back, dropping her hand. _

"_Please, Priestess, forgive me." _

"_T-tatara, why?" _

_She could understand his words, and she could understand their kiss, but both?_

"_Forgive me for loving you."_

'_Never.'_

_She closed the distance Tatara had opened between them, and slowly, glancing up into his shocked eyes, Suzuno placed her lips on his, their second sweet kiss._

"_Only if you forgive me for loving you."_

_His arms came up to wrap around her, tightening until she felt secure against his body. Eyes glinting, he stared in wonder at Suzuno._

"_Never."_

She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself. Wishing she were someone else, or somewhere else, or both, wouldn't make this any easier. Suzuno looked at Tatara, gathering her courage and hating the way she craved that worried look in his eyes.

"Shouldn't you be back inside with everyone else?"

Oh gods, it hurt already. She had jumped into the deep end without checking for the bottom, and now she was going to drown.

"Why would I do that, when you're out here, all alone, in the cold?"

She shut her eyes against his words; he had said 'you', not 'my priestess'.

"I was just thinking, that you seemed to really enjoy Lady Feiyan's company, and that we're only here a short while, and you should probably enjoy her company while it's here."

Everything came out in a rush.

"You can see me anytime, Tatara. You have your duties, and I have mine. But if we're going to be resting, you might as well enjoy yourself."

She turned away from him. It was hard enough to hear him begin to move, she didn't need to watch him, too.

She felt hands on her shoulders and turned, startled, to see Tatara standing directly behind her.

"What makes you think I am not?"

"B-but, you, and everyone, and you all and, and, and-" Nothing was making sense. She tried to gather enough words to make him understand.

"But, you and she, before, you were flirting!"

Tatara was beginning to understand.

"Suzuno, you thought-?"

She clasped her hands in front of her, not turning.

"Forgive me, Tatara." 'Forgive me for loving you.'

Strong arms circled her and held her tight, not letting her leave.

"Never."

"Tatara!"

Suzuno couldn't believe it, but here he was, Tatara, _her_ Tatara, holding her in his arms.

'I will _never_ forgive you for loving me.'

fin

A/N: So, there you have it! It was supposed to be a short and sweet one shot, but it got a bit long. They deserve it, though; Suzuno and Tatara never get enough recognition! I guess the idea was based off of 'Girl Next Door' by Saving Jane, but really, it's morphed into its own piece, which I am completely content with.

Oh: the only other thing. I have used my own interpretations of Byakko and Sairou, since Watase-san hasn't given us a clear picture of the land to the West. I hope that hasn't thrown anyone off, although I'd be glad to hear comments and concerns that anyone may have.

Also, I have used my own interpretations of the Byakko Seven, as they also have not been fully developed by Watase-san. In doing this, I try to stick as close to canon as possible, but with only 3 of the 7 seishi actually appearing in the series, I seem to have a bit of leeway. That being said, I've compiled information from several sources to create the cast I use in all of my Fushigi Yuugi stories. Please, if there's something I've missed, let me know so I can fix it!

That's all for now everyone! Comments, suggestions, questions are all accepted and looked forward to, so tell me what you think!

-Cat


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